Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
