i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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