I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
