the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
