Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How naked do you want me to be?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
