Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
