plz talk dirty to me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
