I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
