i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
