are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
