I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
