If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
