No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
