i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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