roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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