I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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