3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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