her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
