Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
