dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
why is half of my head shaved?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
