God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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