I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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