Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
