he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
