dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She told me I should be a condom model.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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