But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
