dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
