It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
