i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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