We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i drank out of a bidet.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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