So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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