I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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