This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
