Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
