Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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