Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
