I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
