Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
