I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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