Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we're making bets on your personal life
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
