East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
