I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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