last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
