I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
