yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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