"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
