She's JV to your varsity
I cockslap morals
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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