I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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