i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
