Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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