i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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