That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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